I am indeed retiring at the age of 32. I will no longer ski as an "athlete" under the logo of any company. I am having a hard time calling it retirement, per say, because I am building on that skill set to pursue more time guiding projects, behind the lenses, and on typing away on computer screens as a content creator for Telemark Skier Magazine, as well as Vertical Integration, and freelancing. However, as I sat through a meeting with my insurance guy who has been trying to keep my life insured for years despite numerous rejections and "ski" clauses he asked me the question. "So what do I put this down as now? Retired?" My slow and awkwardly long silence before replying must have given away my apprehension. He looked up from his computer and smiled as he waited for my verbal confirmation. "Yeah... I guess so." Up until that point I really hadn't said it out loud to anyone other then my wife.
You see, we just had our first child, a son. His name is Amos, and as I left the house in to go to Japan last winter my wife gave me the news as I zipped up my gear bag. For the last couple of seasons I had felt myself beginning to lose my "edge" a little. I had to live my life on what I once heard best called, "the verge". My friend Paul Kimbrough said it to me once, and it made a lot of sense. In this game we have to be right on the verge of loosing it, but still having just enough control. My whole life was like that to a certain extent, and as I aged I could feel myself loosing a bit of that edge needed to operate on the verge. Now with a new son, my tolerance for risk has moved back a little more yet again. I am blessed to be able to continue my life on snow with new skill sets for creating content, and guiding projects, but I will never step up to something bigger then ever, or gnarlier then I have ever done. That is of course unless you consider parenthood. That is going huge. Just in a whole different way. I must say that it is a little weird to be retiring from something that has been the sole focus of my life for so many years, but at such a young age. Getting better was on my mind at all times. Still is, but now I have changed the goal. Thankfully, my previous goals have paved the road to my new ones. I must say that for me this has been an interestingly awkward and strange experience. It is surprisingly difficult to slow down for someone who has always lived at full throttle, but I am... a little. I will still be the same man I have always been, and by most's definition I will still take risks beyond their tolerance. However, for me, it will be a step back. It is like going from 120mph on the interstate to 95mph, which is still too fast for most, including the cops, but if your someone who has been going 120mph for a long time, then 95 feels pretty slow. I can say one thing for sure though, it has been one hell of a ride at 120mph for all those years.
